|
[11.20.06 - 11.36pm] |
"If you get up one more time than fall you will make it through."
~Chinese proverb
I blame the typo on the chinese
|
|
|
[11.14.06 - 11.15pm] |
I found this great set of quotes, and had an interesting idea for sharing them.
Like with the flowers I will put a quote with each of my closest friends. Actually I will put two quotes. One positive and happy and one negative and sort of sad. It's not meant to be anything special, just how I see the way you love others or interact with others. Not just love in the traditional romantic sense, but in the worldly sense of just giving yourself to others. Yea, I like finding people in the things I look at. Deal with it.
Here is the ones I identify with myself the most:
+ "Love is being able to give up what you want, so others don't get hurt."
- "Sometimes I think that if I wasn't so good at pretending to be, I'd be better at actually being happy."
( And for the rest of you )
|
|
| Quiz |
[10.23.06 - 10.13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Sweet LIttle Bumblebee ~ bambee |
] |
Okay, I did that stupid quiz. The soundtrack was hard, and it's not quite right but still...enjoy.
( Uber Quiz )
|
|
| My Final Goodbye to a Mistake ~ I Can Finally Stop Feeling Guilty |
[10.11.06 - 6.01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 relieved |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Sense You've Been Gone |
] |
I tried I really did
This time it wasn't my fault. I had done it, I was able to not get ifuriated with him.
But it meant I had to chase him. I had to force him.
I'm sorry.
You really are a bastard though. I'm sorry I didn't keep talking after that, but why couldn't you initiate something.
Your my biggest mistake. I tried to fix it I really did.
But the problem with bastards is that they were always mistakes that can't be fixed and your stuck with them.
He could have said something. Not just severed it like he did. He could have told me he was angry or in pain. I knew it, but I could have said it.
You always screw up don't you? Always fuck around. I can't believe I let you even have the inch you got with me. So what if I was using you. You never realized you were using me too? Did you get the fact that I was bloody 16. What did you expect? Love?
Love is a word. It's letters strung together.
So what if I broke your heart. Next time don't build a heart out of glass. Guess that's just another fuck up of yours.
Yes I'm angy. I don't appreciate being thrown away after II put so much effort into trying to apologize for hurting you. It was hard on me to do that. It was so hard. I don't care that you severed ties, I do care that you didn't tell me.
You are the one that created this. You are the one that made me this way. Sure, I was always a character. I always had my ways. But you were the one that created this creature that can't help but tie boys onto strings and make them dance. Why not? You would jig as soon as I snapped my fingers.
I wanted a boyfriend, not a lover. Sure it was wrong. But I was a child. I was already in pain during that point in my life. I had no self confidence and no experience. Just a lot of knowledge.
It was her fault too. It was that spoiled little princess that even made me look at you. I wasn't attracted to you, I was attracted to the idea of beating that princess at her own little game. A game I knew well before I had ever played.
It disturbs me how easy boys are. Every one that has ever been attracted to me is more like clay then flesh.
It's sickening how they will bend over backwards when I smile. It's fun actually.
Maybe if those boys would get some spine. Maybe if they could see through those smiles I give them. Hell I spell it out that I'm toying with them. Why don't boys stop me.
I can't help it. It's who I am. I didn't ask to be adicted to this. I don't mean to hurt people.
But don't make it so easy.
I'm annoyed, but at the same time relieved.
Your the one leaving this time. It's quite nice on this side. You were taking up my air.
If you hadn't always antagonized me.
If you hadn't expected a fairytale.
If you hadn't wanted something from me.
If you hadn't pushed me past by boundaries.
If you had realized that I really did mean no...
I'm an amazing actress am I not? Even when I am unvomfortable or feel completly used I can smile and laugh.
I was doing what you wanted.
I wish I could be blissfully innocent again.
I truly hate myself.
But I hate boys even more.
It will just be me and my imagination forever. At least my imagination can't expect anything from me.
|
|
|
[7.30.06 - 11.05am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 working |
] |
Realizing your wrong hurts. It hurts big time. I rarely ever admit I am wrong, to avoid this feeling. Waiting for forgivness is even harder. Suddenly I am the on chasing the other party, wondering what will happen. I can't even expect forgivness, because I keep doing stupid things. At the same time I dont know what I will do if I am forgiven. What am I looking with this? I don't even know what I want. I know what I don't want, but that really doesn't help. I just want to solve this by Otakon. Its important to me that I fix this. If I don't I'll never learn how to be good at this whole social thing.
|
|
| 17 candles |
[7.29.06 - 5.18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 indescribably wonderful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Disney |
] |
Happy birthday to me
A day to be rude
And selfish
And smart
A day for wishes
A day for laughter
Tears
Hopes
Dream
All assembled into birthday candles
To blow out
And all that remains
Is friends to share the cake with
~~~~
That's right, I'm 17
First off, thank you so much Kelsey. You have no idea how special that party was to me. I was so happy and it was so much fun.
I have a birthday wish that I made today, under the stars.
I wish to never spend a birthday alone.
Today so many people were there today and really that was all that mattered. Knowing so many people were happy that this day was here, because if this day hadn't happened 17 years ago I wouldn't exist. Seeing that they were just as excited about this day as I was made me feel like it was a good thing to exist. I don't need birthday presents and cake and parties. Just having one person smile and say "Happy Birthday" and truely meaning it is all that I really need each year. I don't ever want to have a birthday without that. Because even people like me are scared that we were mistakes. That we shouldn't be here. That this day shouldn't happen. But it does.
I'm so happy, it's the best birthday ever. I'm even crying as I write this. Just so many people are here for me. I'm so truely blessed. I must be the luckiest person in the world. I feel awful for ever wanting anything more. Yet I always will need something. But for today I am content. With myself and my life. It's my friends who let me do that.
Happy birthday to me
Thank you for letting me be alive.
That's the greatest present of all
|
|
| I hate to do this |
[5.16.06 - 10.08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pissed off |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Rape Me ~ Nirvana |
] |
FRIENDS ONLY
I have my reasons for doing this. But this means that a few people I don't mind seeing my posts will have to be added to my friends list. Yes Will, you are now on my friends lists (took me long enoug right?)
Anyway, those who need to know why I did this know, everyone else really doesn't need to hear it. Please forgive me for having to go this far but someone has managed to royaly upset me in many, many ways. And yes, this person knows who they are. If they don't then they need to get a clue.
Congrats Will baby, your now the only boy on my friends list.
|
|
| And now on a more serious note |
[5.15.06 - 10.10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 thoughtful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Leave me breathless |
] |
One thing prom did make me realize is I want to change. I am so superficial with my relasionships. Maybe I just need to learn how to enjoy someones company. I've never really been able to do that with boys. Just enjoying being with them. I always have to amuse myself. It's sad really. I just want to like someone. It's been a long time sense I had a crush on someone. I would say sense third grade and my boyfriend of the time (i was a whore as a child, deal with it!). I really did just enjoy being with Sam. We were friends. Why can't relasionships be that simple now. I want a friend. Just a friend. Someone who will be blunt with me. Tell me that I look like shit and should take a shower. Someone to insult me, to make me angry. To remind me what it's like to be passionate. I don't want to be treated like a princess, I'm not one. I don't want someone to need me. Just someone to be there. Someone to violently hug in random fits of laughter. Someone to push into mud puddles and run through raindrops with. Someone who wont look at me as if I'm crazy, or as if I'm and angel.
I don't need to be doted upon. I don't need gifts or fancies. I don't want that kind of attention. Why can't I just find someone who will put his arms around me, smile and then tell me that I look like I just rolled out of bed.
Someone to laugh at me.
Someone to remind me...I'm human.
Someone to care about me when I can't care about myself. Someone to love the imperfect me. I don't need a halo. Why can't I find what I need. No one gets it. No boy will ever understand that.
I'll keep my broken wings to fly on
I don't need feathers from a dove.
If I can't make it to heaven
I'll sit content on the earth
Watching the sun in the sky
And waiting for a red balloon
To tie around my waist
And take me to the clouds.
|
|
| Post Prom |
[5.15.06 - 10.05pm] |
He stood me up! The bastard stood me up. Adam fucking stood me up. So I went to prom dateless. Not so bad. I should have taken my meds though. I feel sorry for everyone who had to deal with me.
I have another prom this weekend. I'm excited, my date can stand me up this time cus it's his prom. Wont that be wonderful.
Okay, so I'm still angry. I've never been stood up before. Alot of things have happened but I have never been stood up. At least give me a reason! Even if you say 'sorry your ugly' that's fine. Not emailing me the day after prom with.
sorry
GRAMMER, CAPITALIZE THE S damn you. At least give me that.
Ah well, I laugh about it anyway. I guess I've been going on about it cus i'm still a little upset. Ah well, prom was still fun.
I love Pink. Its a pretty color.
|
|
| Prom |
[5.9.06 - 8.59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drunk |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
It's My Party by Lesley Gore |
] |
So Prom is on saturday. I think I have a date, I have a dress, I have a limo, I have jewelery. I just need to meet my date, finish the alterations to my dress, choose a second set of earings, and buy flowers.
This is too complicated
::falls::
|
|
|
[5.1.06 - 7.07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bitchy |
] |
I hate PMS. My mood gets really out of wack. It's not even funny. I apologize if I snap at anyone for no reason.
I love Yaoi.
I love Manhwa
I love Kong
I love Su
Who knows what I mean?
You plain manga lovers wont.
Loveless
Sign off
|
|
|
[4.15.06 - 1.04pm] |
|
Does anyone like the background I added?
|
|
|
[4.9.06 - 10.45pm] |
Click here.
Take the quiz.
Post your results.
( See chasetommarow's results. )
Kels told me about this and I found it...and took it. Though i don't have many friends it's still funny.
|
|
| Why Apples are the best |
[3.26.06 - 10.00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pleased |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Boom Boom Boom Boom ~ Vengaboys |
] |
I will now give undenyable proof that Macs are the greatest computers alive and must be worshiped like gods.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Enough said
|
|
|
[3.11.06 - 5.42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Bubbly |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Due Le Quartz: Re:plica |
] |
I havent posted in a while. Oh well. Nothing much is going on with me. I'm pretty busy now.
I am going to go to this boy's prom. He goes to one of the boy's schools around here. Boys schools wont let people in without a date. It should be fun, one of my friends is also going.
I am in love with Loveless. It's so cute. The ending sucked though. Oh well.
I am doing somthing special for otakon. It's been decided. Lets hope I can pull it off. Time to save money.
|
|
|
[2.14.06 - 4.48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 giggly |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Jessica ~ Dir en Grey |
] |
I've started watching a series called Kannazuki no Miko. It's extreamly cute. It's such a cute shojo-ai. ::swoons:: I love shojo-ai, almost as much as shonen-ai. Well go out, go, run and find Kannazuki no Miko! You wont regret it.
|
|
|
[2.13.06 - 12.21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Psyco le Cemu |
] |
I can't stop jumping up and down. I have a chance to meet two people I admire more then anything else. Aya and seek! seriously I don't know what I will do if I even see them. I don't think I'll be able to talk. I must warn my friends!
|
|
|
[2.12.06 - 9.16pm] |
People keep saying they miss me. I wonder...do they really miss me, or someone else.
Stop missing me. It's awful. It makes me feel guilty.
|
|
|
[2.10.06 - 9.27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
AnCafe |
] |
I think I need to descover more J-rock bands
Yeah, thats what I need to do.
Strange days
I won't explain
Won't you have some tea?
|
|
| Avatars and Wallpaper |
[2.7.06 - 9.34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 chipper |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
MerryMaking ~ By AnCafe |
] |
I made three more avatars and a wallpaper, however they are all Valentines themed! We only have a week left people. I'm not a big one for Valentines day, but something about Miyavi makes it worth it. I am using one of my new avatars currently. Hope you enjoy!
( Read more... )
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
